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Monday Chuckles

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I have started this fortnightly blog slot which I’ve called chuckles due to popular demand. A lot of these funnies have been emailed to me through the years and they’ve sat in my inbox. Occasionally I’ve shared them on Facebook and I’ve had a great response. People have told me how much they’ve brightened their day. It was suggested that I blog them so I am. Please note there is no offence meant in any of these jokes, if you take offence then that is because of your outlook, not mine. All I want is to make people laugh, I will never post anything that I think victimises anyone.


Japanese Sex

A Japanese couple is arguing about how to perform highly erotic sex.

Husband: “Sukitaki. Mojitaka!”

Wife replies: “Kowanini! Mowi janakpa!”

Husband says angrily: “Toka a anji rodi roumi yakoo!”

Wife, on her knees, literally begging: “Mimi Nakoundinda tinkouji!”

Husband shouts angrily: “Na miaou kin Tim Kouji!”

I can’t believe you just sat there trying to read this!

You don’t know any Japanese!

You’ll read anything as long as it’s about sex…

Sometimes I worry about you.

You’re in need of serious help!


“Mr Murphy, I have reviewed this case very carefully,” the divorce court judge said, “And I have decided to give your wife €775 a week.”

“That’s very fair your honour,” the husband said, “And every now and then I will try to send her a few quid myself.”


A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: ‘So I hear you’re getting married?’

‘Yep!’

‘Do I know her?’

‘Nope!’

‘This woman, is she good looking?’

‘Not really.’

‘Is she a good cook?’

‘Naw, she can’t cook too well.’

‘Does she have lots of money?’

‘Nope! Poor as a church mouse.’

‘Well, then, is she good in bed?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘Why in the world do you want to marry her then?’

‘Because she can still drive!’


 Morris, an 82-year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.

A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.

A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, ‘You’re really doing great, aren’t you?’

Morris replied, ‘Just doing what you said, Doc: ‘Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.”

The doctor said, ‘I didn’t say that…I said, ‘You’ve got a heart murmur; be careful.’


Jacob, age 81 and Rebecca, age 80, living in Miami, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way, they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in.

Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: “Are you the owner?”

The pharmacist answers, “Yes.”

Jacob: “We’re about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?”

Pharmacist: “Of course, we do.”

Jacob: “How about medicine for circulation?”

Pharmacist: “All kinds.”

Jacob: “Medicine for rheumatism?”

Pharmacist: “Definitely.”

Jacob: “How about suppositories?”

Pharmacist: “You bet!”

Jacob: “Medicine for memory problems, arthritis and Alzheimer’s?”

Pharmacist: “Yes, a large variety. The Works.”

Jacob: “What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson’s disease?”

Pharmacist: “Absolutely.”

Jacob: “Everything for heartburn and indigestion?”

Pharmacist: “We sure do.”

Jacob: “You sell wheelchairs and walkers and canes?”

Pharmacist: “All speeds and sizes.”

Jacob: “Adult diapers?”

Pharmacist: “Sure.”

Jacob: “We’d like to use this store as our Bridal Registry.”

Books, Life, Self-publishing, Uncategorized

Round-up of the week:

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globe-1290378_640News from around the world

A couple in Kuwait was sentenced to death for killing a Filipina maid. A Lebanese man and his Syrian wife were convicted in absentia. The body of the maid was dumped in a freezer in their abandoned apartment and it was discovered over a year after the murder.


London.jpgNews from London

A paralysed man is hoping to become the first paraplegic male to walk the London Marathon. Simon Kindleysides, 34, from Norwich, was diagnosed with a brain rumour which left him paralysed from the waist down. It will take Simon, 37 hours to complete the course wearing an exoskeleton suit.

What an inspirational man.


Me.1.jpgMy News

Work has been busy and has seen me at two different sites with two different sets of challenges.

My son came home for Easter on Good Friday and will be going home Easter Monday. We went out for a meal with my parents and my sister and niece on Saturday and on Sunday went to Mum and Dad’s for dinner, spending some time with my brother and nephew.

It has been a lovely chilled out weekend.

My sister and I have finally signed up for the half-marathon that we’ve been talking about for the last couple of months. Training to start in earnest now. It won’t be until September, so enough time to do this sensibly.

I’ve been working at challenging a particular fear of mine this week. I have a fear of going around the Hammersmith Roundabout and this week I did it, twice. I won’t say I’m not scared still but I did feel an amazement sense of achievement and if I continue to do it this will be one fear I can say goodbye to.


Me.2Writing News

Sent out March’s newsletter with a sneak preview of my new cover for Sins of the Father which everyone else can see shortly.

I’ve spent my free time working on the edits on Sins, I have reached 68/122.


 

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Books, Life, Self-publishing, Uncategorized

My Review of “The Debt & the Doormat” by Laura Barnard

 

I’ve had this book on my kindle for a while now, my TBR list is immense. I wasn’t sure what to expect when I dipped into this book but I got more than I bargained for. Poppy and Jazz are best friends, they know each other inside out and back to front as good friends do. But therein lies the only similarity between them. Poppy is clumsy and has given up on life after a disastrous relationship, she reclines in life like an old-fashioned heroine from a bygone age would on chaise longue. Jazz, on the other hand, is the rich daughter of a now dead millionaire who made his fortune in the porn industry. She wears revealing clothes but has the freedom of a hippy at heart. On a drunken night in they decide to swap lives and that is where the fun starts.

Poppy can’t help but do everything wrong, she falls flat on her face, she makes plans to help people that backfires spectacularly and she has a pushy mum into the bargain. I laughed out loud on the London Underground because of this book, I also cried in public (think I might have been hormonal at the time!). I rated this book so highly that I rushed out and bought the next book in the series and read that straight away too.

Books, Life, Self-publishing, Uncategorized

Round-up of the Week

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News from around the world

Mexican authorities have launched criminal proceedings against four police officers over the disappearance of three Italian men. The men were last seen at the end of January in Tecalitlán, in the western state of Jalisco. The officers had allegedly arrested them at a petrol station and they have confessed to handing the Italians over to a local criminal gang.

Makes me glad I live in the UK.

News from London

A gas explosion at a property in north-east London forced about 100 people to have to leave their homes. No injuries have been reported.

My News

We saw snow this week, not major amounts here in London but enough to ensure that I wasn’t going to risk riding my motorbike so I trudged through the snow, ice and slush to get to work. Tuesday saw me viewing the snow from central London and the next day from the cab of an 18-tonne truck as I waited for the driver to offload 5 pallets of salt on site. I did end up with black marks all over my tights lol.

On Thursday I was supposed to see my son who was due to come down from Lincolnshire for his birthday but he was snowed in.

I’ve almost finished decorating my living room and picked out a new carpet and sofa over the weekend. I also put my old sofa up for sale on Gumtree and had someone attempt to scam me with a fake Paypal payment.

Today I met up with the family for a meal to celebrate my parents’ 53rd wedding anniversary. We went to a local restaurant where we proceeded to take pano pictures on our phones of the family making each other look horrendous into the bargain, my sister ended up looking like Nanny McPhee without warts. Needless to say, she reciprocated with an equally unflattering one of me.

I finished reading Christmas in Holly Springs by Rose Castro this week, a lovely short story. Watch out for the review, coming shortly.

Writing News

My editor has started work on Sins of the Father and I’ve heard from her that she is liking it so far. Phew.

I’ve been working on Illicit Love again and getting very excited about where it’s going.

Books, Life, Self-publishing, Uncategorized

My Review of Closer to the Heart

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A solid continuation of book one.

Click here to pick up a copy of Closer to the Heart

This is the second book in the series, I devoured this book. This book follows the relationship between Stephanie and James and Charlotte and Mitchell. But if you’re expecting happily ever after then you’ll be sadly mistaken, like any good book this author puts her characters through the ringer. Will it end well though? The characterisation in this book is so strong that they were as well known to me as my friends and the pacing was spot on. From here I dived straight into the last book in this series.

Uncategorized

Monday Chuckles

Chuckles-4

 

I have started this fortnightly blog slot which I’ve called chuckles due to popular demand. A lot of these funnies have been emailed to me through the years and they’ve sat in my inbox. Occasionally I’ve shared them on Facebook and I’ve had a great response. People have told me how much they’ve brightened their day. It was suggested that I blog them so I am. Please note there is no offence meant in any of these jokes, if you take offence then that is because of your outlook, not mine. All I want is to make people laugh, I will never post anything that I think victimises anyone.

SMART ARSE ANSWER 1It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane_ Would you like dinner? the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row. What are my cho SMART ARSE ANSWER 1It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane_ Would you like dinner? the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row. What are my cho SMART ARSE ANSWER 1It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane_ Would you like dinner? the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row. What are my cho SMART ARSE ANSWER 1It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane_ Would you like dinner? the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row. What are my cho

SMART ARSE ANSWER 1It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane_ Would you like dinner? the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row. What are my cho

Books, Life, Self-publishing, Uncategorized

My Review of: Where Did Your Heart Go? by Audrina Lane

 

Chuckles

Builds beautifully to an un-put-down-able read.

http://getbook.at/YourHeartGo

When I started reading this book I found it slow going at first, enjoyable but slow going. I could easily put this book down but when I picked it up again it was like putting on a pair of slippers. The author allowed you to get to know the characters until they got under your skin and what happened to them actually mattered to you. This is a story of a love that spans generations, realistic friendships and a spiteful woman who will stop at nothing to get what she wants. I think I was about three-quarters of the way through this book when it became un-put-down-able and I devoured the rest of it and went straight into the second book in the series.

Now about the book: Charlotte is struggling with a teenage romance and in order to help her daughter, Stephanie allows her to read her our diary from when she was a teenager. This is a triple thread story, as we follow Charlotte and Stephanie in the present day and Stephanie’s past through her diary but it isn’t only Charlotte who is reading it, Stephanie can’t resist the urge to go back and take a peep herself. All the deep emotions come back to haunt her. Not sure I’d want my daughter (if I had one) to read through my diary but I thought it was a beautiful idea and slowly Charlotte manages to put the angst of her teenage romance behind her as she meets Mitchell. But this new love brings up unexpected complications.

I sometimes find it hard to read a series by the same author as it can feel samey, but once Audrina had me hooked I couldn’t not read the whole series. The only thing I would have liked is to have had the name of the character’s whose POV we were in. Even though the author did distinguish between them having their name at the beginning would have made it a bit easier for the reader.

 

 

 

Books, Life, Self-publishing, Uncategorized

What are the key ingredients that make a good love story?

Yesterday I asked the question on Twitter and Facebook what do people think are the key ingredients that make a good love story. The genre ‘love’ comes in many sub-categories now but the basic elements of a good love story should always be the same whether it be historical, contemporary, paranormal or any other in-between.

A couple of weeks ago I released a new novel, a love story which although set in the early noughties is still contemporary. The table below shows the results of the question I asked and as you can see Is This Love? has all the key ingredients that make a good love story. This story isn’t fluffy and light, the love isn’t all hearts and roses, in fact, it’s positively gritty as the characters are hewn from real life not carved from alabaster.

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Check it out for yourself.

myBook.to/Isthislove

JPG Kindle Cover

Read the first two chapter #free here:

https://gibbsdream.wordpress.com/wip-the-course-of-true-love/ 

 

Books, Life, Self-publishing, Uncategorized

Author Spotlight Interview

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This month it is my pleasure to introduce Sherri A Wingler who now ranks up there with Sharon Penman and Barbara Erskine (and a few others) as one of my favourite authors. She is currently juggling two different series and I am eagerly awaiting the next in series for both. This is the author who writes the books that I wish I had written.

1. Do you write as a full-time author or do you have to squeeze it in around a full-time job or looking after the children? If you don’t write as your main job what are your aims for your writing?

I look at my writing as my other full-time job. I squeeze time whenever I can to write, but I’m constantly thinking about my story. The brain is a wonderful thing. I can hit a snag, with no idea how to get myself out of the corner I’ve written myself into, and three days later the answer will come to me, seemingly out of nowhere. Usually, it comes at the most inopportune moment.

2. What inspires you to write?

Reading a really good story from someone else is always inspiring. Mostly, I write the books I want to read.

3. Tell me about your writing process, when and how? Are you a plotter or a pantser?

I want to be a plotter, but I’m more of a hybrid. I start out with a loose outline and adjust it when the story starts twisting itself into knots.
I’ve found my best hours to work are between 8 p.m. and 4 a.m., but I have a full-time job, so those hours only work when I’m on vacation. Usually, I grab whatever time I can. I write on my phone a lot and transfer the file to the main manuscript later.
I would love to say if I get an entire day to write, I sit down and whip out ten thousand words, but I’m guilty of procrastination. So guilty. I’m fine once I start, but I’ll find fifty things to do before I start.

4. How much of your life experience goes into your books if at all?

My first book is about a teenaged girl who falls in love with the Angel of Death. It took a reviewer pointing out that ‘if Death came along and intervened in her life, they’d have a serious talk.’ I’m paraphrasing, but it got me thinking. If Death intervenes, you have no choice… you adapt to a new normal. That’s when the lightbulb moment happened for me. My mother died when I was seventeen. Some twenty years later, my brain put a different spin on the story and “Wings of Darkness” was born.
I think all the characters have a certain facet of the author’s personality, even the villain.

5. Describe your ideal writing location if money were no issue.

I can write anywhere, but I require peace and quiet to produce my best work. I have a small, beautiful office I never get to use because my dogs throw a fit if I’m out of sight. Most of my work is done with at least one cat hanging off me and a dog staring at me till I pick him or her up for cuddles. They have me so trained.

6. What is the hardest part of the writing process for you?

Getting started. Have I mentioned the procrastination thing? I waste more time thinking about why I should be writing, than actually doing it.

7. What one thing would you fix about the whole world to make it a better place?

I feel like the world would be better if people cared more for each other, or cared less, maybe. For my own part, I don’t care about someone else’s religion, ethnicity, or sexual orientation. If they’re happy and aren’t hurting someone else, it’s none of my business. I don’t get excited about much unless it affects me or mine.
Animal cruelty breaks my heart. If I had one wish it would be for the punishment to fit the crime in those cases.

8. What is your favourite review from any of your books?

It was for “Wings of Darkness,” and it wasn’t even a 5* review, only a 3*. The lady didn’t like the snarkiness of the characters, but at the end of the review she said it was “very well written and well edited book.” I had to love it just for that.

9. When you’re not writing, working, looking after the furry kids what else do you enjoy doing?

I like to think I’m crafty. Every so often I get on Pinterest and find some fantastic project and produce the ugly step-sister version of whatever it was. Halloween is coming up, and it’s my favorite holiday. I’ll be whipping out the hot glue and fake cobwebs pretty soon.

10. Can you tell me what you’re working on now?

I’m working on a couple of things. I’ve got the third book of “The Immortal Sorrows” series almost finished, and I have the second book of “The Dark Woods” series at the halfway point.
“The Immortal Sorrows” is a tale of Reaper angels with a shot of Greek mythology thrown in. It explores Time, Fate, and Death as beings instead of concepts.
“The Dark Woods” is my loose interpretation of the Red Riding Hood story. I’ve taken a lot of liberties with it, and had so much fun doing it.

 

A Glimpse into Darkness: Prequel of The Immortal Sorrows

http://amzn.to/2wG2byp

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Clotho has everything; beauty, power, and immortality. She has everything she could ever want, except the love of the one she wants the most.
Witness the moment when obsession turns to hate… and love to madness.
Author’s Note: This is a short story and serves as the prequel of “The Immortal Sorrows” series. Attached is a free sample of book 1, “Wings of Darkness.” I hope you enjoy it!

Wings of Darkness: Book 1 of The Immortal Sorrows series

http://amzn.to/2vziTz6

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Death comes for everyone eventually, but Izzy Maitland plans to live forever. At nearly eighteen years old, it’s not an unreasonable goal, but Fate has other plans. Izzy has a car accident. A bad one. Suddenly, strange things start happening and her ordinary life is turned upside down. She wakes up tasting blood, more often than not, and her injuries heal at an alarming rate. Her friends and family weaken, and every day, Izzy grows stronger. Strangest of all, she seems to have acquired a stalker, and he might be the Angel of Death.

Wings of Shadow: Book 2 of The Immortal Sorrows series

http://amzn.to/2wURuaC

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Mortals never see me in their final moments. Isabel saw me. From the very beginning. She saw me, knew me for the monster I am, and still she loved me. That beautiful young woman with fire in her blood. I wanted her the moment I laid eyes on her. She was perfect, made just for me by a cruel and merciless twist of Fate. Isabel was my mate and my match, in every way, but loving me destroyed her.
Fate stole my love from me, simply to watch me suffer. Oh, it cost her, but not nearly enough. A few dead Reapers were nothing compared to what I would do when I found her. The River of the Dead could run red with the blood of the guilty, and it would never be enough. My revenge would be a bitter-sweet thing, for it would never bring my Isabel back to me. Once she faced Judgment, she would be lost to me, forever.
I could not accept that. I would not.

Crimson Moon: Book 1 of The Dark Woods series

http://amzn.to/2wFW2SF

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In the old days, people whispered about the wolf, said he came only at night, and only by the light of the full moon. They locked their doors and huddled close to their fires, safe in the knowledge they could prepare for his coming. The truth is, no one is safe, because the wolf walks in the skin of the man. Always.

Harlow Hayes is a runaway, thief, and failed Southern belle. Forced to grow up fast after what her mama delicately referred to as, ‘the incident,’ she learns the hard way not all strangers are kind, real monsters hide in plain sight, and family can be found in the most unexpected places.
Harlow Hayes is about to meet the Wolf.

 

Thank you very much, Sherri, for sharing so much with us. If you aren’t lucky enough to win an e-copy of one of Sherri’s books then I would highly recommend you go and buy them, she is a phenomenal author

If you have subscribed to my newsletter then you will be entered into the August prize draw, don’t forget sometimes the emails make their way to the junk folder! (How vary dare they!) The winner will be announced one week later.

 

Books, Life, Self-publishing

New Release – Girls and Boys by M B Feeney

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It’s LIVE!!!

 

 

 

Girls and Boys, the 90s based coming of age New Adult novel by M. B. Feeney is now live on Amazon and in KU.

 

Grab your copy now!

 

 

 

 

Jack Robinson and Andy Stone are best friends, navigating their way through life in 90s London with a soundtrack of Britpop. Jack’s in his final year at university and still has no idea about what he wants to do with his life, while Andy’s a mechanic by day, a bit of a man-whore the rest of the time.

Adapting to a new place to live in a big city isn’t easy, especially when girls, alcohol, and hard work get in the way, but having your best friend with you every step of the way makes it that much easier… well, when you’re not ignoring each other.

Filled with laughter and heartache, Jack and Andy’s story is for everyone. A hint of romance, a solid friendship, and plenty of stupid mistakes. But, will they learn from them?

 

Check out the Britpop playlist on Spotify

Facebook Post:
Girls and Boys, the 90s based coming of age New Adult novel by M. B. Feeney is now live on Amazon and in KU.
Only Available on Amazon and KU: http://mybook.to/GirlsandBoys
The Blurb:
Jack Robinson and Andy Stone are best friends, navigating their way through life in 90s London with a soundtrack of Britpop. Jack’s in his final year at university and still has no idea about what he wants to do with his life, while Andy’s a mechanic by day, a bit of a man-whore the rest of the time.
Adapting to a new place to live in a big city isn’t easy, especially when girls, alcohol, and hard work get in the way, but having your best friend with you every step of the way makes it that much easier… well, when you’re not ignoring each other.
Filled with laughter and heartache, Jack and Andy’s story is for everyone. A hint of romance, a solid friendship, and plenty of stupid mistakes. But, will they learn from them?
Check out the Britpop playlist on Spotify: http://spoti.fi/2symLhU